Dating Apps: To Use or Not to Use?

How one young adult made her decision

“Can a Christian use dating apps?”

“Would you consider using one?”

Though dating apps have been around for years, I didn’t think about using them. That is, until friends started asking me these questions, and I discovered more people—whom I never thought would do so—were using them!

The simple answer to the first question is – Yes, Christians can use dating apps. However, as Paul says in 1 Corinthians 10:23, “’All things are lawful’, but not all things are helpful.” Using a dating app may not be a sin, but would doing so draw me closer to God?

This leads me to the second question, but instead of giving you my answer, let me share my thought process and hopefully that will help you come to a decision for yourself.

What is my heart’s condition?

I am nearly 30, single, and have never been in a relationship (there, I’ve said it). I have watched friends my age get engaged, marry and have children. The desire to finally find a partner – that someone special – and to know what it’s like to be loved by a guy who I love can get overwhelming.

That, coupled with the fear of being “left on the shelf”, puts me in a potentially risky position. With the ease of meeting new guys, can I be so sure that I won’t jump into a relationship just to fulfil that deep longing? I needed God to search my heart first (Psalm 139:23-24), surrender my deep desires, and seek His wisdom in deciding if dating apps were for me.

“I needed God to search my heart first, surrender my deep desires, and seek His wisdom in deciding if dating apps were for me.”

What are my values?

Dating apps are mostly free, and creating an account is almost effortless. Yet its accessibility is also an inherent risk. Here, we have a pool of eligible and available people, but how many of them are merely looking for hook-ups, or are of a different faith? If the only person who “super likes” my profile is not a believer, and keeping in mind that I am looking for a life partner, would I be able to resist the temptation to swipe right on his profile (or indicate my interest)?

If I decide to have a chat with this match, and then discover that he is almost everything I want in a guy, would I possess the willpower to keep things platonic? Though dating apps open up the possibility of meeting more people, they also lead to possible temptations. I had to be sure of what I believe in, so that I would not be found wanting if I started using these platforms.

“Though dating apps open up the possibility of meeting more people, they also lead to possible temptations.”

What would my reasons be?

The most common reason for using dating apps has to be that there are no eligible singles in our social circle, and we simply have no time to make new friends by signing up for classes (SkillsFuture anyone?) or attending matchmaking events.

That is certainly true for some, but for the rest of us, are we choosing what is convenient and quick? Do we lack the social skills to make friends in real life, or have we become too comfortable hiding behind a screen? Are we being too choosy about the people we meet in church or ministry, writing them off without giving them a chance? These are honest questions I had to ask myself.

What am I comfortable with?

For me, though I ascertained that I had surrendered my heart and was willing to seek God’s guidance in using dating apps, I finally decided that it was not something I was comfortable with. I still prefer meeting and interacting with new friends face-to-face.

In fact, a friend who tried using one of these apps observed that meeting someone online doesn’t give us the opportunity to see them in their “natural habitat” because the perception of each person can be carefully constructed. Though I am just as likely to base my first judgements on appearance, interacting in person gives me an opportunity to observe their character and personality too.

What if I were to use dating apps?

If you have answered the questions above and found peace in using dating apps, ask God for wisdom to discern the truth from the lies, and be committed to conduct yourself in a worthy and authentic manner (James 1:5, Philippians 1:27). Lisa Anderson, director of Boundless, advises that while these apps may facilitate conversations, actual dating only begins when you meet face to face. Don’t act like a couple before meeting for the first time.

Involve your family and trusted friends in the process – that allows you to observe how the other person interacts with people and also hear honest opinions about him or her. Finally, continue to keep your eyes and heart open in your church or ministry – don’t restrict your search to the online world. These are just some principles I would keep in mind if I were ever to use dating apps.

The Bible doesn’t dictate what method to use in our search for a life partner, but it does exhort us to surrender our desires and plans to Him (Proverbs 3:5-6). We can trust that He will guide our search, whether online or off.

©2017 Whole Life. All rights reserved.
Did you find the read helpful? If you would like to receive regular news and encouragement for your faith + family, click here to subscribe. This article was first published on Wholelife.sg and republished with permission.

WHAT'S ON IN COOS

Events on August 24, 2019

9:00 am: Korean Style Bouquet Workshop

Annyeong! Come join us for a fun DIY Korean-styled Bouquet Workshop. We will be using fresh flowers to create a korean-style wrapped bouquet. All materials and tools will be provided.

It cost $80 per participant, or $150 for 2 pax if you are bringing a friend.
As sharp tools will be used, the workshop is suitable for participants 12 years and older.

Dates: 24 & 25 August 2019
Time: 9am to 11.30am (24 Aug), Room 302
1.30pm to 4.00pm (25 Aug), Room 201
Location: Room 302
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9:30 am: An Overview of the OT (Session 2 of 4)

An Overview of the Old Testament
For more information, visit https://www.coos.org.sg/church-life/christian-education/
Location: Room 217
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2:30 pm: English Service : Pastor Mark Tho speaking

Location: 130 Margaret Dr, Singapore 149300
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4:00 pm: COOSkidz Birthday Party - Robot

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4:30 pm: Youth Service : Guest speaker Max Jeganathan

Location: 130 Margaret Dr, Singapore 149300
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5:00 pm: Waggy Walk with Your Furkids!'

Calling out to all COOS members who own a pet dog/s to join us in this gathering to walk our dogs which will take place on the 4th Saturday of each month. Invite your friends and neighbors so that we can also promote bonding which each other! Meeting point and ending point at COOS Plaza. We will be walking along the Alexander Canal for our first walk on 24/8/19. Register through this link and QR code.
Location: Meeting point and end point in COOS Plaza
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Events on August 25, 2019

8:30 am: English Service : Pastor Mark Tho speaking

Location: 130 Margaret Dr, Singapore 149300
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10:45 am: English Service : Pastor Mark Tho speaking

Location: 130 Margaret Dr, Singapore 149300
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Events on August 29, 2019

7:30 pm: Choir Performance

Location: Church of Our Saviour, 130 Margaret Dr, Singapore 149300
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Events on August 31, 2019

9:30 am: An Overview of the OT (Session 3 of 4)

An Overview of the Old Testament
For more information, visit https://www.coos.org.sg/church-life/christian-education/
Location: Room 217
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2:30 pm: English Service : Pastor Joseph You speaking [Holy Communion]

Location: 130 Margaret Dr, Singapore 149300
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3:00 pm: Flea Market

Volunteers needed for outreach initiatives to our community for the Flea Market! Gather your family, church friends or cell members, go into our neighborhoods (Stirling, Dawson and Mei Ling) at your own time and invite the residents for the flea market event on 31/8 and 1/9. Every flyer has a $10 value coupon attached so that they can exchange for the items at the flea market! Contact Tan Choong Meng at 81235996 for any enquiry.
Location: Atrium
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3:00 pm: Flea Market

Looking for volunteers to set up booths to run a flea market in COOS! Gather a few friends or cell members, collect unused clothes and accessories, mend a stall at the atrium. Proceed of the sales will go towards the Geylang Ministry in COOS! If you are interested, please register at the admin counter or at this google link. Contact Tan Choon Meng at 81235996 for more information.
Location: Atrium
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4:00 pm: Alpha Parenting Teenagers Course

A course for parents with children from 11 - 18 years old. It equips carers of children with strategies and tools in building a healthy family life. It is relevant for people of all faith.

Date: 31 Aug, 7, 14, 21, 28 Sep, 5 Oct
Time: 4pm - 6pm
Venue: COOS

Register at admin desk or scan QR code or thru this link: https://bit.ly/2vq7ClL
Location: COOS
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4:45 pm: Evergreen Fellowship Talk

Evergreen Fellowship is organising a talk by Mr Benny Ong on "Understanding the difference between Advance Medical Directive (AMD), The lasting power of Attorney and The will.
Location: COOS AUDITORIUM
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Events on September 1, 2019

8:30 am: English Service : Pastor Joseph You speaking [Holy Communion]

Location: 130 Margaret Dr, Singapore 149300
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10:45 am: English Service : Pastor Joseph You speaking [Holy Communion]

Location: 130 Margaret Dr, Singapore 149300
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SERVICE DETAILS

MAIN SERVICES (ENGLISH)
Saturday | 2.30pm
Sunday | 8.30am and 10.45am
YOUTH SERVICE (ENGLISH)
Saturday | 4.30pm
*Except every 1st weekend of the month, where youth joins main services.
SERVICES & OFFICE LOCATION
130 Margaret Drive Singapore 149300
It is a 10-minute walk from the Queenstown MRT Station.The bus-stops nearest to the church are served by
SBS Bus 51, 111, 145, 186, 195 and 32 and TIBS Bus 970.

The office is open from Tuesdays to Saturdays, 9am to 5.30pm.

Click here for more service details.