Every Conversation Counts

Opposites attract they say. Rings especially true when we survey marriages around us. In many marital relationships, there seems to be one spouse who tends to be the talker and the other – the quieter one. For the talker, the effort needed to communicate seems completely one-sided and it can get rather tiring after a while.

At times, gender differences do explain why there is a disparity in the effort put in to communicate within a marriage. With no intention of stereotyping, the fact remains that most women tend to be more verbal than men. Many men gravitate towards showing love through deeds such as working hard and providing well for the family. But it would do both the man and woman good in a marriage, to go beyond that and find ways to really connect by speaking to each other more.

If you are in a similar situation we’ve just described, here are 5 steps to get your spouse to start talking more to you!

    1. Share your need for conversation with your spouse clearly and honestly but respectfully.
      Never assume that your spouse knows what you’re thinking. Make the effort to state clearly how much you would appreciate it if more conversations took place between the both of you so that you can connect on a more intimate level.

 

    1. Encourage your spouse when he does make the effort to talk to you.
      Be alert during your daily interactions with your spouse and when you sense him opening up and sharing more with you, don’t forget to show your appreciation. A smile, a stroke of his arm and a gentle nod as you listen, can help your spouse feel more at ease when speaking to you. Resist the urge to pass quick judgment on what he shares with you but instead ask leading questions that show you are making the effort to discover more about him and are genuinely interested in his views.

 

    1. Commit yourself to a 10-minute plan to just talk, read, listen and share with each other daily.
      Don’t give up even if it’s extremely tough at the beginning. Reading together from a marriage content-related book and experimenting with some of the communication tips shared, will not only add a fun dimension to your marriage but gives you the chance to put into practice some tried and tested tips which can really enhance the quality of conversations between you and your spouse.

 

    1. Turn routine activities into times of opportunity for great conversation.
      A trip to the supermarket, eating out, sending the kids to an enrichment class – these can double-up as wonderful opportunities for both enjoyable and meaningful conversations.Reminisce about your childhood days as you visit familiar eating places you both used to go to as children or dream up new recipes together as you wheel your shopping cart around the supermarket. Chat with your spouse like you would with a really good friend. Refrain from being “transactional” in your conversations. In other words, don’t restrict conversations to merely rattling off a long to-do list to your spouse and checking them off verbally if the task has been accomplished. Aim to inject more interesting topics into your conversations and watch your spouse open up to you.

 

  1. Keep a sense of humor in conversations.
    There is no need to have every conversation be an intense one where feelings are shared deeply and major issues are discussed in all seriousness. Keep reminding yourself that you and your spouse are a team who are able to work through issues hand-in-hand in a light-hearted manner. Together, you can get through it all. It just takes a little more patience and persistence.

Do not despair if you find yourself struggling to do any of the above. Consider how it might also be beneficial to get professional assistance to help you put the above ideas into practice. Feel free to contact us. Our staff would be delighted to provide you with a referral to a qualified counselor who will be able to journey with you and your spouse as you seek to connect more intimately in your marriage.

© 2015  Focus on the Family Singapore Ltd. All rights reserved. Used by permission.
Like what you just read? Focus on the Family Singapore sends out inspiration for family life and practical insights on different issues each month. If you would like to have it delivered to your inbox, please subscribe to their monthly newsletter.

WHAT'S ON IN COOS

Events on August 24, 2019

9:00 am: Korean Style Bouquet Workshop

Annyeong! Come join us for a fun DIY Korean-styled Bouquet Workshop. We will be using fresh flowers to create a korean-style wrapped bouquet. All materials and tools will be provided.

It cost $80 per participant, or $150 for 2 pax if you are bringing a friend.
As sharp tools will be used, the workshop is suitable for participants 12 years and older.

Dates: 24 & 25 August 2019
Time: 9am to 11.30am (24 Aug), Room 302
1.30pm to 4.00pm (25 Aug), Room 201
Location: Room 302
Click for more events

9:30 am: An Overview of the OT (Session 2 of 4)

An Overview of the Old Testament
For more information, visit https://www.coos.org.sg/church-life/christian-education/
Location: Room 217
Click for more events

2:30 pm: English Service : Pastor Mark Tho speaking

Location: 130 Margaret Dr, Singapore 149300
Click for more events

4:00 pm: COOSkidz Birthday Party - Robot

Click for more events

4:30 pm: Youth Service : Guest speaker Max Jeganathan

Location: 130 Margaret Dr, Singapore 149300
Click for more events

5:00 pm: Waggy Walk with Your Furkids!'

Calling out to all COOS members who own a pet dog/s to join us in this gathering to walk our dogs which will take place on the 4th Saturday of each month. Invite your friends and neighbors so that we can also promote bonding which each other! Meeting point and ending point at COOS Plaza. We will be walking along the Alexander Canal for our first walk on 24/8/19. Register through this link and QR code.
Location: Meeting point and end point in COOS Plaza
Click for more events
Events on August 25, 2019

8:30 am: English Service : Pastor Mark Tho speaking

Location: 130 Margaret Dr, Singapore 149300
Click for more events

10:45 am: English Service : Pastor Mark Tho speaking

Location: 130 Margaret Dr, Singapore 149300
Click for more events
Events on August 29, 2019

7:30 pm: Choir Performance

Location: Church of Our Saviour, 130 Margaret Dr, Singapore 149300
Click for more events
Events on August 31, 2019

9:30 am: An Overview of the OT (Session 3 of 4)

An Overview of the Old Testament
For more information, visit https://www.coos.org.sg/church-life/christian-education/
Location: Room 217
Click for more events

2:30 pm: English Service : Pastor Joseph You speaking [Holy Communion]

Location: 130 Margaret Dr, Singapore 149300
Click for more events

3:00 pm: Flea Market

Volunteers needed for outreach initiatives to our community for the Flea Market! Gather your family, church friends or cell members, go into our neighborhoods (Stirling, Dawson and Mei Ling) at your own time and invite the residents for the flea market event on 31/8 and 1/9. Every flyer has a $10 value coupon attached so that they can exchange for the items at the flea market! Contact Tan Choong Meng at 81235996 for any enquiry.
Location: Atrium
Click for more events

3:00 pm: Flea Market

Looking for volunteers to set up booths to run a flea market in COOS! Gather a few friends or cell members, collect unused clothes and accessories, mend a stall at the atrium. Proceed of the sales will go towards the Geylang Ministry in COOS! If you are interested, please register at the admin counter or at this google link. Contact Tan Choon Meng at 81235996 for more information.
Location: Atrium
Click for more events

4:00 pm: Alpha Parenting Teenagers Course

A course for parents with children from 11 - 18 years old. It equips carers of children with strategies and tools in building a healthy family life. It is relevant for people of all faith.

Date: 31 Aug, 7, 14, 21, 28 Sep, 5 Oct
Time: 4pm - 6pm
Venue: COOS

Register at admin desk or scan QR code or thru this link: https://bit.ly/2vq7ClL
Location: COOS
Click for more events

4:45 pm: Evergreen Fellowship Talk

Evergreen Fellowship is organising a talk by Mr Benny Ong on "Understanding the difference between Advance Medical Directive (AMD), The lasting power of Attorney and The will.
Location: COOS AUDITORIUM
Click for more events
Events on September 1, 2019

8:30 am: English Service : Pastor Joseph You speaking [Holy Communion]

Location: 130 Margaret Dr, Singapore 149300
Click for more events

10:45 am: English Service : Pastor Joseph You speaking [Holy Communion]

Location: 130 Margaret Dr, Singapore 149300
Click for more events

SERVICE DETAILS

MAIN SERVICES (ENGLISH)
Saturday | 2.30pm
Sunday | 8.30am and 10.45am
YOUTH SERVICE (ENGLISH)
Saturday | 4.30pm
*Except every 1st weekend of the month, where youth joins main services.
SERVICES & OFFICE LOCATION
130 Margaret Drive Singapore 149300
It is a 10-minute walk from the Queenstown MRT Station.The bus-stops nearest to the church are served by
SBS Bus 51, 111, 145, 186, 195 and 32 and TIBS Bus 970.

The office is open from Tuesdays to Saturdays, 9am to 5.30pm.

Click here for more service details.